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About the Author

- Julian Black, Author -

I grew up in a working-class family and we had very little money in fact we were in poverty when my parents divorced I was just ten years old and I had to become an adult before I was an adult in fact my childhood was to be taken from me as I took on the role of father figure to my two younger siblings as my mother had to work two jobs to keep a roof over our heads. I did not go out with my friends and I became a recluse and loner. I concentrated on housework and taking care of my younger siblings. I became very controlling even telling my mother what she should be doing which was not at all healthy. My teenage years were full of anxiety and fear as I was not getting along with my mother's boyfriends and I saw very little of my father and communication between me and my parents totally broke down and I was not well within myself. I was not having fun and I was taking life very seriously. I had no interest in the way I looked and I was covered in Acne and I was suffering from anxiety attacks and social anxiety. I was deemed very odd at school and bullied simply because I was different from the very popular boys I knew.

 

I spent lots of time with my grandparents growing up which just made me, even more, older than my years in my attitude to life. My grandparents had very old-fashioned values towards sexuality and so did most of my family so I was basically told that if I was a homosexual that I should repress it and never show it but Just block it out of my life altogether. I never dated girls because of my self-esteem and I did not find it fair to deceive them when I knew deep down that I was confused about my sexuality and I fancied guys a lot. I had to go into therapy in my twenties and explain to my doctor that fighting my sexuality was getting the better of me and repressing my needs as a human being was getting far too much a fight for me. The therapy was a release for me to pour everything out to a stranger for just an hour or two every month over a period of three years. ( it was private therapy but worth every penny ).

 

What hurt me the most of the repression was seeing other couples both gay and straight having so much fun while my life was put on hold plus I was getting attention from gay men they knew I was gay and I had to fight them off when really I just wanted to be their friends and I was riddled with guilt and jealousy because I wanted so much to be just like them. I wanted to be free of fear and I wanted friends and even romance but I blocked it all out and just existed which was causing me so much pain.

 

I was not having sex and I was repressed of friendships and love and I was living the life of somebody I was not in fact I kind of lost who I was and my identity as a human being on planet Earth. Therapy taught me I was not alone and that being a closeted homosexual was astronomical even in the 21st century. I thought I was the only one. Then in my late twenties, my creativity developed within me something I had been born with but forgot about, and thank god for it because I wrote stories that mirrored my own life on such things as fear suppression, sexuality, sex, family, rage, and torment all mixed on the gay genre. Writing about my life gave me so much Joy and to pour out my feelings and emotions into creative stories was such a release for me that I cannot put it into words.

 

Getting my book published gave me so much inspiration and joy within myself as I led such a turmoil and rejection of life both personally and professionally that I constantly felt discouraged but I knew I had a gift to write and create stories which gave me something huge to lean on. I hope in the process my stories can help other people going through a similar life to my own. I hope I have played just a small part in helping humanity by just writing these stories and getting them published and I hope my work can help anybody in any way at all. I hope I have achieved that. Gratitude Julian Black and the very best of Luck.

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